Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
