so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
