last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
