Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
