I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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