OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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