is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry about my life...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
