I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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