I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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