Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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