Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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