so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we're so committed to being not committed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
