when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
