I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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