I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
