Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
