AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
