how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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