I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
