i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
