The brown eye won't let me do that either.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
