You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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