I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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