Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
