the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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