how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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