great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
