the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
