i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
