scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
