if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
