Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
