so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
