I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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