you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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