when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
