Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
