the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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