I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
