So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
