We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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