omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
