There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
