Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Come share oat with me in your robe
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
