Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
