I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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