8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
