Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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