don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
