proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
